You Don't Need a Sign. You Need a Partner.
In February, I went to Creative Mornings, a global breakfast lecture series by and for the creative community. The theme for the month was Camino, or path, and the speaker at the RDU chapter was an artist named Precious Lovell. In her words, Ms. Lovell works in cloth and clothing to “address stories of the African Diaspora omitted from the traditional historical narrative.” The work she shared with us was powerful, woven through with stories of women that history often erases, as well as her own beautiful stories of uncovering the lives of these women, meeting and collaborating with other artists, and creating art where historical women once stood.
At the end of her talk, one of the questions asked of her was, as she was presented with many paths during her life, how did she know which ones to take? Her answer was simple: there wasn’t a big aha moment, no sign, no confirmation that there was a certain way she should go. She was simply attuned to what interested her, got curious, and started moving in a direction.
Most of us aren’t artists exploring the world. We’re people at a crossroads at home and work. We’re overwhelmed by options we might take, but we feel stuck by how few choices we really have to move forward. We’re paralyzed by decision fatigue and wishing for something to come along and make change happen for us. The knight in shining armor, the lottery ticket, the fairy godmother with the big reveal that solves it all. The problem is that it doesn’t come, and we’re left waiting and wanting, unhappy and unmoving.
When we’re looking for a new direction, we’re often looking for an exit ramp when life’s paths are much more humble than that. They might be small, unassuming, even overgrown and unrecognizable at first. We may not even realize that the direction we’re going is a new path until we’re already halfway down it. There’s rarely going to be a giant blinking arrow pointing, “This way!”
There’s no winning lottery ticket coming to save us. That’s the good news. It means we don’t need to wait to start: not for a sign, not for the “right” path, not for next Monday. Notice I’m saying we and not you - that’s because I believe the best way to get momentum to move in any direction is not to go alone. That was something I also noticed in all of Ms. Lovell’s stories: while she usually created alone, getting to that point involved others. She talked to many, many people to learn their stories and uncover history. She did not walk alone, and you shouldn’t either.
When you’re already feeling overwhelmed by, well, everything, making a change in your life can feel like too much, even if you know you’re unhappy with the way things are. That’s why you need someone who has your back, who can help you see the nearby paths and clear away the weeds, especially if you’re the person who already does that for everyone else. When you’re the person who everyone leans on, you need a you that you can lean on. That’s why I work with people managers in tech who give everything to their teams and are ready to feel that investment in themselves.